Another year. Another wave of resolutions that probably won’t be kept. Everyone wants to lose 20lbs, go on more dates, make more money and so forth and so forth. I don’t believe in resolutions, rather I don’t believe in the cliche’ hype of making resolutions. I do believe in setting goals, trying to be a better person than you were last year. And since this is my blog, I get to indulge my goals for 2012.
This is a big one for me. Those who know me know I often joke about having “10 people in the world that I love”, and while I am very content with my small group of friends, I am keenly aware that I have lost contact with a handful of really amazing people. Some I’ve known since I was young, since high school and some I met during undegrad, and unfortunately I have the bad habit of losing contact the moment I move out of town. I intend to rectify this situation. It is my hope that these people still have space for me in their lives (after all they may have intentionally lost contact with me). I’m going to try and write letters, yes actual letters, actual mail with a stamp and an envelope that gets delivered to your house by a person, not the interwebz. In perhaps my biggest attempt to maintain these relationships, I’m going to try and get better at the telephone. As it stands now, my relationship with aforementioned telephone is not good. I don’t enjoy using it for anything other than ordering take out or making a doctor’s appointment. I am not a good phone conversationalist. But I’m going to get better, maybe I’ll take a class or have my mom make practice phone calls with me. I’ll keep you all updated.
Let me be clear: I do not mean “I want to lose 30lbs by next week so I can look awesome in a bikini” No. not the intention. This is a two-fold goal. I do want to elevate my physical fitness level, because I want to be amazed at what my body can do. I want to marvel at the physical capabilities of my own body, to experience things I never thought I could do. This has nothing to do with the number on my jeans or what the scale says. The other part of this goal is a healthier mind. I tend to lean towards a sarcastic/cynical outlook on life. I call it delightfully snarky. But lately I’ve been feeling more of the snark and less of the delight, it’s easy to be bitter. It’s easy to expect disappointment. I intend to challenge myself to quell some of the negativity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to be Susy BrightandShiny, I’m just going to be a little less cruel where my outlook is concerned.
Return to Music
Those who know me in real life know I’ve played the oboe since I was 10, and I’ve loved every squawk, honk, goose, and other sound since I picked it up. But this past year or so, I’ve lost touch with it and with my piano. I let grad school and life and procrastination get in the way of what I love to do. Now I think it’s time to get back to it, re-learn piano and sharpen my double reed skills. Whenever I play it always relaxes me, makes me feel like I’m correct, like I belong. In that moment when it’s just the instrument, the sheet music, and me, it’s a fantastical combination of expression. It’s freeing, and frustrating, and amazing.
Learn to Sew
Now I can sew a little, mostly hand sewing and basic machine use. However, my mother is a genius with fabric. I mean brilliant- from design to construction she’s an artist, and in my 23years I’ve never taken a lesson from her. Why? Because I’m stubborn and didn’t always appreciate her talent. While sewing is not nearly as economical as it used to be there’s a certain pride that comes from creating a something from a pile of paper and nothing. Or at least I hope so.
This will hopefully go along with getting into a PhD program, but even if that is not the case, I’m going to work my hardest to get my work out there. I’ve been fortunate enough to present my work at many conferences all over the country, but I’ve never taken the next step and revised that work for publication. Maybe because of time, maybe because I hate the editing process. Either way, I’m determined to get my work into a magazine, or journal, or something.
Make It Count
I realize this is an abstract goal, and one that can easily be dismissed as a soundbite, but I assure you it’s more than that to me. I’m a busy person, chaotic, even. So I tend to rush through things, “savor” is not a word I often employ. But I would like to change that this year, and really have the presence of mind to appreciate the moment that’s unfolding, big or small.
Of course there are many more things I hope to do this year, and I’ll keep you updated on my goals. I would encourage others to really assess the lives they are living, and if something isn’t right, doesn’t feel the way it should, to change it. We are so often caught in the cycle of complacency that we forget how powerful we are when it comes to adjusting our lived experiences. Someone once told me “wake up each morning and be the person you wanted to be yesterday”. So let’s do it.